I know I haven't posted here in ages, but this one had to hit ALL my blogs.

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Today, I had to do one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

In late 2003, Mary and I picked up the cutest little seal point/tabby mix from the pet store. We named her Lily. She was very shy. Throughout her young kittenhood she slowly became more personable... To me. She didn't seem to take to anyone or anything else. After she inexplicably ruined a couch by urinating heavily upon it, we took it upon ourselves to keep her a little more secluded. She still seemed very happy and was in our bedroom at night.

She always liked to sleep between my ankles. She would be anywhere in the apartment, but when bedtime rolled around, you would find her right between my ankles.

About 18 months ago, we took in a stray. A solid grey social/lap cat. Callie. Several days after we took her in, we discovered she was brewing a litter. She had 6 kittens. We kept one grey one with copper mixed in. Macy Grey.

Lily simply would not get along with these two and was adversarial from the get-go. Thus, we had to keep them in separate areas of the apartment.

When we found our current apartment, we could not pass up the space for the price. As we were filling out the paperwork, I ran across a pet stipulation. We thought we may circumvent it, though.

This apartment was separated in a very different way than the last apartment, and that brought on a very difficult decision. Lily had to stay in one of the bathrooms. I felt terrible. She was completely cut off from contact. Where she was used to sleeping with us at night, now she slept alone. Where she would at least have some interaction with us during the day, she saw me in the morning for feeding and litter cleaning. I felt horrible on top of terrible.

This week brought apartment inspections. We were not able to circumvent. We had to get rid of at least one cat. Yes, that ripping, crashing sound is the sound of my heart breaking.

Given the fact that Lily was only attached to me and would not play well with the other two cats, and given the fact that the other two cats are very social and playful and are lap cats, Lily was the unfortunate choice.

After five and a half years, it was time for Lily to go. I would rather have been stabbed. In desperation, I started a search for a no-kill animal shelter in the area. Knowing full well that space for cats in these places is something beyond limited, usually stretched. I found a shelter and emailed them my situation, at 2:00 this morning, ending it with a single word, 'Help.'

Miraculously, during the morning, someone from the shelter emailed me back to let me know that they had space for ONE kitty. I cried. At work.

They needed medical history and up to date shots. I had to schedule a vet appointment TODAY for her vaccinations. When I called, the receptionist recognized me. I told her my story. She finagled some things and got me a 5 o'clock appointment. After I arrived, they rushed her right in for the exam and vaccinations. On my way out, the receptionist told me that the shelter I'd found was a good one.

Me: "It's still tough."
Her: "At least you're doing the right thing, instead of just dumping her somewhere."

We drove down to the shelter and pulled up to the front. (Here it comes.) I got out of the car and got Lily, in her carrier, out, too. We walked in and started the paperwork. I felt like I was doing okay so far. Then, as we were filling out forms, a guy came by and picked up the carrier. As he started to walk by, he stopped and asked us if we wanted to say goodbye. I peered into the cage at Lily and stuck my fingers through the bars. She looked at my hand and didn't move. I broke. The tears began rolling and I told him that we were okay. He took her back and the lady that was working with us stepped away to get a print out.

I simply could not hold it back any longer. I let the tears flow. It exhausted me instantly and I felt my head fall into my hands. Mary leaned over and hugged me as I was completely unable to stop the tears.

The lady returned and we finished up the paperwork. The other man came back with the empty carrier. I thought I was going to lose it again, but I maintained myself. We finished up and were given well wishes and the man said, "I'm sorry it didn't work out." It seemed so genuine, the tears started again, but I gave him a smile and a nod and rushed out the door.

I put the empty carrier in the car and Mary rushed in and gave me a huge hug. And she held on. I could feel her shaking as she, too, cried with me. After a couple minutes, she got in the car and I rounded to the driver side and seated myself. As soon as I closed the door, the dams were let loose. I absolutely bawled (look it up on m-w.com). The moaning, groaning, bent over, head in my hands, faucets for eyes, gut-wrenching cry. I groaned and 'Oh God'd for several minutes. I cried so hard, my body ached.

After that, I wanted to 'get away', so we went and had a great dinner and came home. For a while, I was distracted with the normal things I do on the internet day-to-day. But I just got myself a glass of water. As I was headed back to the office, I passed the bathroom where Lily was being kept. I felt compelled to write this exhastive blog post.

I am normally not a selfish person or an attention grabber, but this time, I am in GREAT pain, and I want everyone to know it. The one thing that is really keeping me going is that Mary is right here beside me, and every time I have started to break down, she has not just offered her shoulder to cry on, she has put my head there and held me; knowing that I am simply too weak.

We have lived here for just under 3 months, and I'm already sick and tired of this place.

Yes, there's tons of room for what we pay. That's the plus.

Now, the minuses.

1. The office is rarely open the hours posted. This is a big issue. There are several times I've come home to see UPS or FedEx stickers on the front door. There is no reason for this. UPS and FedEx both deliver in the middle of the day. This also causes problems when I need to get in touch with someone about my rent, a problem, or anything else. No one is there!

2. There's gated parking. Nice, right? There is no security watching that parking area. Hence, my recent break-in and stereo theft. This is a higher crime area. Don't you know to put security on a parking area if you're in a higher crime area?

3. Laundry is ridiculous. (This is what triggered this post tonight.) There are no washers/dryers in unit. There are two laundry rooms in the building. One with one washer and one dryer in my tower. One with three washers and three dryers in the other tower. That's right, folks. Four, count 'em, four, washers and dryers for 60+ apartments. Can you tell me how this calculates? I'll tell you. I've now washed two loads of laundry. Waiting to start the third because the first is sitting in a basket waiting for a dryer while the second load is still sitting in a washer, also waiting for a dryer. I won't use the dryer in my tower because the seal has a crack that catches clothes and tears them up.

4. The climate control is terrible. There is physically a ten-degree difference from one end of the apartment to the other. I don't believe the windows are insulated. This has resulting in a DOUBLING of my electric bill for December.

5. The water heater cannot handle us. My showers take around 12 minutes. By this time, the water is getting cold. Mary's showers run around 18 minutes. Can you imagine?

6. There are three front entrances (west tower, main lobby, east tower), but only the main lobby door can be opened from the outside (or via the comm system). The issue here is that in order to make grocery runs bearable, I purchased a small cart. All the doors have ramps. However, moving from my tower to the main lobby is a set of stairs; moving from the main lobby to the other tower is another set of stairs.

These are all issues we have never had in ANY of the previous apartments we've lived in. The offices are always open business hours. There is either security or the covered parking is so secured, there isn't a need for security. We have always had in unit washer/dryer. Never had an issue with climate control. Always been enough hot water. Well, never needed the cart; we've always had nearby parking.

Sometimes, I just want to pull my hair out. But I like it too much, so it stays.

Today was quite boring.

Doing laundry late into the night, kept me awake till around 3am. That does not facilitate a 5:30 wake-up very well.

I wasn't feeling well this morning, so I called in and stayed in bed for a while. Around 11 or so, I felt well enough to get up, but really did not feel like going in to work. Thankfully, being a programmer, I was able to connect remotely and do some work. So, not a complete loss of the day.

This evening I helped a friend with her computer. Again, remotely. Though I did it with no visuals; just over the phone. For some reason her wireless network was on the fritz. We went through the setup steps and reconfigured the router. So far, that seems to have fixed the problem.

As far as World of Warcraft is concerned, I got my healer, Celluth, up to 37 tonight. I'm going to try my best to hit 40 with him before the week is out. I've GOT to level him so he can be a healer for the Oklahoma group. Only 35 levels to go. :-D

Saturday's "Nude Not Naked" photography gallery show went very well. There were several photographic artists present, and it was exciting to meet all of them.

Photographer Greg James hosted the event and was kind enough to put a selection of everyone's work into an individual slideshow that was showing on one of the large format flat screen TVs.

Several models, including Mary Crouch, Brad Elpers, and Rachael, were present. Many of them were the subject matter of some of the displayed works.

Other photographers present included Ken Centauri, Daniel Love, and, of course, my wife, Mary Wano. These photographers were formally asked by Greg James to be part of a nude photography cooperative in Kansas City. This co-op would represent the artists as a group, reducing the stress of individual artists trying to establish showings on their own.

Robert Chastain, manager of the now-defunct ATLAS gallery, was present, and offered his new, as yet, un-named space for use by the co-op. This new location includes shooting space, gallery space, and space for installation of film processing equipment.

In a surprise move, Greg James debuted a portion of a documentary of his creation. He asked present artists for critiques, suggestions and their impressions. Unfortunately, because it has not been released, I am not at liberty to speak about the contents of that documentary. Suffice to say, the six minute piece was so powerful that several viewers, including myself, were struck emotionally. Bravo, Greg. I can't wait to see the completed piece.

A final bravo to all the artists who displayed their work at the showing. There wasn't a single piece up that I did not enjoy. Every last piece had something about it that was special and unique. I eagerly await the revealing of more of their works.

I'll just see how this goes, but I'm going to try to write things here much more often.

Today was my dental cleaning. Nothing big. Just with a new hygienist.

I was a bit nervous since I hadn't flossed pretty much since just before we moved. I started again last week and the blood gushed. No issues today, however. Clean bill, just the same trouble areas that the dentist already knew about.

The rest of the day was spent rather lazily. I did practically nothing. I gathered some trash and took it out. Despite the fact that I should have also cleaned some cups/glasses and done at least one load of laundry. I'm such a slob sometimes.

This evening, after Mary got home from work, we went and had dinner with a friend of hers. A little more expensive than I had hoped, but I think we'll manage.

I'm dreading tomorrow. The landlord slipped a paper under the door stating that exterminators would be by at noon. The apartment is all a shambles. Debating if I should leave a note and say, 'Today is not good. Catch us next time. Thanks.'

Tonight, I think Mary and I are going to play WoW together for the first time in a couple weeks. Both death knights. It's a role reversal, though. Kurathan is a prot warrior and Thepplstroll is a subtlety rogue. I'm the tank, she's the dps. But our death knights are specced for opposite roles. Hers is frost (tank), mine is unholy (dps). We'll see how it goes tonight.

This past weekend has turned out to be a crap weekend.

Friday, after getting home from work, I parked my car in the gated parking lot outside our apartment building. We didn't really do anything over the weekend, so I did not have a need to use my car until Monday. I work from home on Mondays, so I hadn't even gone out to my car all morning. I got ready to leave so I could have lunch with my wife.

Disaster.

I opened the car door to see the dash had been pulled back, plastic pieces were all over the passenger seat, my own multi-tool was out and in the passenger seat, and my stereo was gone. Thankfully, the thieves took my car antenna, bent it all out of shape, and used it as a slim-jim to unlock my door, so, no broken glass.

When I started up the car, almost everything was okay. The climate control still works, the rear defrost still works, the headlights and parking lights come on, it switched from dims to brights, the windshield wipers work. There were two very important things that were not working, however; turn signals and hazards.

I took it up to the garage I normally take my car to, just to see if they could diagnose the issue with the signals. They said they don't do electrical work, but that a shop just down the street did good electrical work. Naturally, I went on down to see them. They couldn't get me in that day, so I brought my car back early Tuesday morning.

The impression I got from them was that the wires had been damaged when the stereo was pulled out, but that all they needed to do was to repair the wires. When I hadn't heard from them by lunchtime, I had Mary drop me off after we finished. The car was done. 'Hooray,' right? Wrong.

I walked in to be slapped in the face with a $300+ bill. That's right, folks. Over $300 to repair some wires. The explanation I got was that 'it wasn't fun.'

You see, I don't know enough about cars to know that I don't know enough. Bottom line, though, is that I got screwed by the mechanic.

The mechanic had reinstalled my old stereo, but, having no antenna, I still could not get any reception to speak of.

Today, I went by a local auto parts store and picked up a new antenna ($5). The feeding FM cable behind the stereo must have been damaged also, as I still do not get any radio reception.

Mary and I are in the process of a quick move. Technically, tomorrow (Tuesday, September 30) is our absolute last day in this apartment.

We were taking a break from packing and had settled into some nice comfortable spots. I was on the couch, reading a Dilbert collection book and Mary was on the computer in the office.

I remember getting to a section in the book and was reading the comics. There was a particularly funny set of frames that set me off on a good, hearty laugh. That laugh triggered a slight cough. Which, in turn, triggered a deeper cough, ad infinitum.

The last thing I remember was the third cough which was pointedly difficult. The next thing I remember is waking from a dream. In my dream, I was sitting in a chair, arms akimbo, bouncing my leg. The next thing I saw is what brought on the realization that something was terribly wrong.

Mary was standing over me, with a horrible expression of fear and dread overpowering her demeanor. "Are you okay?"

The first thought I had, since I had felt my leg shaking, was, 'God! I've just had a seizure!' Though, my first words were, 'I'm okay. What happened?'

I stood and she wrapped her arms around me SO tightly. And she sobbed. 'I thought you were dead,' she said through labored breath.

Apparently, the coughing eventually stopped my breathing. And I passed out. Completely, out cold.

Mary later told me that she had heard me laugh, cough, then silence. Followed by the book hitting the floor. She called my name and got no response, so she came to check on me.

Think deeply of your loved one and picture them in the condition I am about to describe.

She came around into the living room and found me sitting on the couch, leaned back, hands clutched to my chest, face red, eyes open... not breathing. She rushed over and began shaking my leg and calling my name.

Thankfully, I awoke. I do not know if I would have woken up if she had not been there. Though, the human spirit wants to tell me, 'You were dreaming. You would have passed into sleep mode and awoken some time later.' I'm not so sure I believe it.

Be it God, Buddah, Allah, Gaia, [insert deity of choice], or nothing at all, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'll be seeing my doctor in the next couple of days to make sure I did not have a seizure or mild stroke. I'll keep you posted.

I know. I haven't updated in a long time.

Truth be told, I've been in such a serious slump lately. It isn't as bad as the worst I've been before, but sure comes in a close second. I'm slowly coming around, though.

Having to practically live off charity for a month is definitely humbling when you are used to being the provider. I did not take to that humbling. It really beat me down fast.

My solace has been Mary. She has stuck by my side and bore the brunt of the unemployment. It was her generosity that got us through.

Despite how uplifting my relationship has been, the downtime only strengthened my fears that I am passively doing something to sabotage it. It is a pain with which I am unaware of how to deal. It is a heavy, lingering ache. Not something sharp, and quick. More like a burden that, at first, seems light enough to carry forever, but, over time, begins to wear you down. Before you know it, you are crawling on your hands and knees, still unaware of why you are so tired.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing wrong, even though nothing on the surface really seems to be wrong. Sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling of hatred toward myself that lingers for hours, many times working its way into a full day.

Intellectually, I know I will come out of this valley, but it is simply so dark here that my minds eye can scarcely see the dim light of happiness at the end.

Pray for me.

I've been playing around with different characters lately. I've just gone quite crazy with it.

Kurathan is still the main, but has been respecced to fury to deal more damage. Though, after a run of Mana Tombs last night, I can see I need better bonuses and a better weapon. He is stalled at 66 right now, too.

Giladen has not seen much play and is still 42.

Padaraeus is up over 40 now. He is still quite shy of getting his mount, though. Needs about 50g.

Although I got rid of my Blood Elf hunter, I created a new one just to see how quickly I could level him. He's up to 17 now. I got him up to 15 just in one day.

One final toon I've been working with is a change of pace. Still a Blood Elf hunter (What's my deal? Do I have a Blood Elf fetish?), but he's on a PvP server. Mary set up a toon over there since she had some friends there. I'll just see how it goes and how I like it.

Well, one week down. It's been pretty hectic. Since Monday was a holiday, Tuesday was my first day. I show up and get my paperwork done and get to the IT office. There are a few minutes of basic things; getting my user ID, password, email, printer setup, time entry setup.

Immediately after that is an hour and a half meeting to discuss the system the programmers are working on. Then it's lunch time. I am quickly signed up for a 3-day training course, which started on Wednesday.

So, that's it. I haven't touched any code yet, but I'm sure I'll be thrust right into it on Monday.

Once again, I have waited until the absolute last possible moment to post info. Today is my munkie's birthday. Happy birthday, Munkie!

Have a birthday 1-UP mushroom. :-)

I haven't posted in a long time, I know.

I've been out of work since April 25th. I've had several technical recruiters looking out for me and I think I've landed a good job.

I won't divulge any more information about it, at least until I get started there. Right now, I'm just waiting on some paperwork.

Ganked from yogamary.

I decided to change the format. This way, you don't see my answers and get influenced by them. The principle is the same, however: erase my answers and add your own.

1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks.


2. What the thing you push around the grocery store is called.


3. A metal container to carry a meal in.


4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in.


5. The piece of furniture that seats three people.


6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof.


7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening.


8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverages.


9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup.


10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself.


11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach.


12. Shoes worn for sports.


13. Putting a room in order.


14. A flying insect that glows in the dark.


15. The little insect that curls up into a ball.


16. The children's playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down.


17. How do you eat your pizza?


18. What's it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff?


19. What's the evening meal?


20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are?


21. What do you call the thing that you can get water out of to drink in public places?


22. If something is diagonally located, where is it in relation to you?


23. What do you call the place where the water comes out of the sink?

Answers Below:

1. creek


2. shopping cart


3. lunchbox


4. skillet


5. sofa


6. gutter


7. porch


8. soft drink


9. pancakes


10. sub (sandwich)


11. swim trunks


12. tennis shoes (I know... It feels weird answering this question this way...)


13. organize


14. firefly


15. roly-poly


16. see-saw


17. point first


18. garage/yard sale


19. dinner


20. basement


21. water fountain


22. diagonal


23. faucet